I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
