saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
