i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
