I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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