Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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