Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
