Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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