When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
