I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
