i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You are the jesus of drinking
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
