you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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