Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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