oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
