god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
