I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
