nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
