I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
