Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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