I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
