So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
