I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
