sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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