i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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