It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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