And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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