That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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