i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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