It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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