theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
