The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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