I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
