pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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