i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
