After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
