Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
