he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i dont even know how to be here
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
