What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
