you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
