We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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