I want to walk on stilts...naked
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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