so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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