I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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