Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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