so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
