We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
