My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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