HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
