Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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