Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Randomize
