Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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